I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
