xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
No subtext here. People are naked.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
