every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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