im drinking this country out of the recession.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
