it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I think my moral compass just broke
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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