Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
