Whatcha textin bout Willis?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
