im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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