In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
