Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
