did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
