i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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