He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
