All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
