He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You ate ashes out of my bong
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize