New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
