so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
