I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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