i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
