i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
