The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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