Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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