Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
