im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
