I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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