her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
