I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
