I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
