my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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