U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
