Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
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