No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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