I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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