she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Watching her eat just hurts me
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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