Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
