I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
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she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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