three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
