dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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