At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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