with your own penis?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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