Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
