Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
wow bdsm is so cute
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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