You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
