I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
