What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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