She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
