does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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