3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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