Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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