i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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