in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
