Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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