you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
