I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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