can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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