I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
