This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
