I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
