I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
