It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
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By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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