im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
