I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
