Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
