Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
