That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
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Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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