Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
