Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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