fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
